Never be the same

I have gotten into the habit of watching Jesus of Nazareth at Easter. It is the best version because of how realistic it is (no awful wigs, more or less Mediterranean or Middle Eastern looking actors, Peter is my favorite Peter. He has a fully believable anger management problem - go to around 1:56:30 in that link).

Very shortly after the above moment, we meet Peter’s nemesis, Matthew, the tax collector. The way they are both brought into the story of the prodigal son was an incredibly decision by director Franco Zeffirelli. Matthew, the prodigal at odds with Peter, the son who always had everything the Father promised. You can see it at 2:14:37 as Peter chooses to reluctantly enter Matthew’s house and the story begins.

There is a scene after the disciples are gathered and living with Jesus as he preaches and travels that particularly struck me this time. It is a conversation at night between Peter and Matthew as they lay down to sleep around the fire (2:37:34):

Peter: I told my wife, I won’t be long. And in any case, the fishing’s hopeless, why not go away? I told her, I said, I’ll come back in the spring.

Matthew: Don’t lie to her. And to yourself.

Peter: Lie?

Matthew: Yes. You know very well. You’ll never go back.

Peter: I will.

Matthew: No, you won’t. Never. You’ll never fish again, you’ll never get drunk again. And you’ll never live in Capernaum again. None of us will. We will never be the same. And neither will the lives of everyone in the whole world. We know why, Simon. We’re the first to know.

Peter turns over and pulls his blanket closer to his face.

They both left a life behind: Peter, his fishing nets, and Matthew, as he got up from his tax collectors’ table. Matthew is right, they will never be back in those old lives, and they will never be the same again, nor will the world. The obvious application is for all Christians: once you “take up your cross,” sincerely, you and your world will never be the same.

Now, for a more secular application: I believe this scene strikes me especially this year because of the global crisis we’re living through.

When my office was about to close, we were given a couple days’ notice. I had already been working from home for nearly a week, and was relieved for an excuse to run back to the office and gather a few things. It was quiet. The one coworker I saw, he stayed in his office and I spoke from outside the door. There is a column outside my office, against one of my colleague’s work spaces. When we are working through something, or I have an idea, or a joke I want to share, I often come to that column and lean against it, and talk to her. I leaned against that column, soaking in the feeling of no one being there, and thought, it will never, ever be as it was. Even if she were sitting here - everything will be different. This becomes more clear the longer this all goes on.

So it causes me to think: what does it mean if things will never be the same? Does it mean that I think things will never be good again (cue Bill Gates or whoever saying sporting events are years off)? Does it afford me a chance instead to think about renewal, rather than ending? And do I believe Jesus when he says, “Behold, I make all things new?”

This afternoon I walked by my church - it is Sunday - on the off chance it was open. Hallelujah! It was. I nearly cried. Both, for the opportunity to be close to Jesus, but also because it felt like coming home. Seeing livestreams of my favorite parishes and chapels makes me feel like I am locked out of my own home. And it was just a return to normalcy. I have been frequenting that parish for 6 years now. We have a lot of history together.

P.s. Okay, for a more lighthearted moment, enjoy this rad 80s tune, “Never Be the Same Again,” by Lori Ruso, from the Teen Witch soundtrack. TOP THAT!!